Thursday, March 4, 2010

Of Cards and Bridges...

King of Hearts beats Jack of Diamonds Every Time

Jack, Jack
I can't go back
To riches
from pain.

King, King,
My heart must sing,
My Destiny
to gain.
It appears that this is resolve testing week. And not a moment too soon.

I have received several indicators (not exactly offers; let's call them invitations) to walk back into my previous life. A friend sent me an email regarding his newly established high-tech company, and he asked me to lunch "if you'd like to talk about it."

I also received an email from an outfit that has invited me to be an "expert resource" for their clients to call and discuss high-tech stuff in my areas of expertise. Paid by the hour, name your rate.

Both of these offers play to my long and established record. I could bring value, and I could be compensated.

So what's the problem? I thought at first that it was because they played to my ego. I looked at the "application form" for the consulting gig for about 20 minutes yesterday, considering how I would characterize myself.

But last night, as I went to bed, I was unsettled. Something was still bothering me. And then the little ditty popped into my head.

"Jack, Jack, you can't go back..."

One of the problems with a bridge is that it works in both directions.

In past attempts at striking out on my own, I always new that if I wasn't successful, I could fall back on the demand for my skills in high-tech. And in some way, that option sabotaged my efforts. It allowed me to be lazy and unfocused. Undisciplined. I watched it happen. My resources were spent, often with little to show for it. My attitude seemed to be, "Eh. Easy come, easy go. When it's gone, it's gone."

But it wasn't "Easy come..." It was just "Easy to go back."

This time feels different. The bridge is still there, but when I look back over it, I get sick.

The Norse rune Kano, reversed, counsels "gladly giving up the old and being prepared to live for a time empty. Develop inner stability and do not be seduced by the momentum of old ways while waiting for the new to become illuminated in their proper time."*
Much as been said of the King of Hearts. He's supposedly "The Suicide King", because it looks like he's plunged the sword into his head.

Is it suicide we're seeing? Or is he silencing his rational ego, his internal critic, so that he can listen more closely to his heart and his intuition?

I know that burning bridges behind you is not supposed to be smart. But right now I'm looking for gasoline and some dynamite.

*From The Book of Runes by Ralph H. Blum

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